It's getting to be a bit too much.

Things have been very very hectic as of late. To the point of groginess and a genuine need to nap. I realise I need to take breaks for myself before I totally exhaust myself. Alhamdulillah despite the tight schedule, I have slowly learnt to let go of not being able to attend to every interest and supplementary activities. Prioritize prioritize innit. So in the midst of all the juggling, alhamdulillah, the Quran has been my comfort, tahajjud insyaAllah is slowly being implemented more in my life.

I've tried to actively learn lessons from Muzammil. Trying to implement them in my daily life. Before the responsibilities befell me, I was already moved by some lessons from the beautiful chapter. I would remind myself to 'just keep swimming'... 'just keep swimming.' As simple as it sounds, the words are truly symbolic of so many things!

When things really started to get.... crazy.. I chose to sit down and listen to a tafseer of Muzammil by Mufti Kamani. Then a friend gave me notes from Sh Akram Nadwi's tafseer. MasyaAllah they both have had effects in my life already, Alhamdulillah. I haven't even finished the notes but Alhamdulillah for the comfort Allah gives..

Knowing that Muzammil was the second surah revealed to mankind, it sort of hit me that I am so far behind in my responsibilities in sharing tauhid to people around me. There's guilt. There's fear. But alhamdulillah, the notes led me to verse 35 of Surah Al-Furqaan:

Said those who disbelieved, “Why has the Qur’an not been revealed to him all at once?” (It has been sent down) in this way (i.e. in parts) so that We make your heart firm, and We revealed it little by little. [25:32]

This provided me solace. I know I am far behind, but the time before this was preparation. It was preparing me to carry the responsibilities so that I would be strong enough to try, so that I would not have broken down as soon as I started. Not saying that I'm not worried about my roles every day. Not saying that I don't have thoughts of quitting every day. I do! But I am still willing to try. Eventhough the load seems like too much to bear, I realize that my contributions to the ummah are still very minute. Kena malu lah! So without trying, how will I gain jannatul firdausi? How will I be able to meet Allah with Qalbun saleem?

The verse told me that it's okay. That eventhough I'll face trial after trial, Allah will strengthen my heart bit by bit and everything will be okay.

Another Quranic experience happened whilst an influx of incoming students required my help. As I stepped out of the house, feeling overwhelmed.. I randomly blurted.. Innallaha ma'assabireen. The verse struck me and so I repeated it again and again, even translating the verse aloud. (My housemates might think I'm a nutcase. lol). Verily, allah is with the patient. Verily, Allah is with the patient.

Okay, Miss crabby, tired and trying to persevere needs to rest.